Is my melon ripe?

Where it's edible, it's highly eatable. But where it's not, it's not desirable.

Self doubt is destructive. And yet, as I eat and review fruit for this blog, I second guess myself. If I eat a fruit and judge it to be bad, how can I know that its badness is a property of the fruit, rather than my failure to properly ripen it?

Just as Americans are guaranteed the right to a speedy trial by an impartial jury of their peers, so too should fruit be granted the right to be eaten, when ripe, without prejudice … by other pieces of fruit?

Quick syllogistic digression:

  1. Our bodies are made of the things we eat
  2. Our bodies are our selves
  3. I eat fruit
  4. I am a fruit

Great. Now to the issue of impartiality. I have biases, of course, but I try to be transparent. I love Trader Joe’s, but the fruit sucks. I dislike Walmart, but their melons are wonderful. Capisce?

The real elephant in the room — the one I cannot tame — is the mysterious notion of ripeness. Just when I thought I’d encountered all the tricks of the trade, I came across this video, in which a man rubs a melon and listens for a noise.

Of course, I promptly went into the kitchen and rubbed my half eaten Golden Dew melon — and sure enough, it made a noise.

Wegman’s Golden Honeydew

After coming off the high of the Walmart Goldendew, I had to meet this melon again. The one reviewed here, purchased at Wegman’s for a bit more money — was just as pretty as his counterpart at Walmart — but unfortunately, not as good.

There was just too much rind.

In the middle, near the seeds, it was great. Soft, super sweet, and juicy. But unfortunately, that made up maybe 30%* of the melon. And for $3.99 (they are $2.68 at Walmart), I cannot recommend.

Sweetness Juiciness Price Recommend
Sweet Juicy $3.99 / each No

*Complete guess

Bonus nonsense: